Laundry Day

I hate doing laundry.  I hate doing laundry so much that I put off doing it by writing this blog post.  

I have two choices of where to do laundry:  I can go to the cobweb-enveloped, splinter-covered "basement" of our apartment building with a stash of quarters, nerves of steel, and an up-to-date tetanus shot, or I can haul my dirty skivvies to the local laundromat, get my weekly contact high, and hope no one watches as I shove my unmentionables in a giant washer.  I generally choose the latter, because my fear of spiders far outweigh my desire to save my hypersensitive sense of smell.  Plus, honestly, I have cute underwear.  Well, really what it is I'm at work before banks open and leave after they close, so I never have time to get quarters for the dungeon anyway.

Laundry decision-making for me is more than just "Is it too cold for spiders to be out to attack me?".  Having this illness forces me to make many more decisions than that. 

Can I do laundry today?

Do I split the laundry so it's less heavy to carry, but I have to make multiple trips, or do I make it one big heavy trip so I only have to take the stairs once?
Do I have the energy to wash my sheets (which means having the energy to take them off my bed, add them to the weight of the already heavy laundry I carry, and then put them back on my bed)?

If I don't do my sheets now, will it be too much later?

If I don't wash all my clothes now, will that be too much later?

I'm not sure if you read The Spoon Theory from my previous blog, but this is an excellent example of how it pertains to me.  Each decision I make with my laundry either costs or saves me a spoon to use later, and each decision depends on the day and how many spoons I've already used.  If I decide to do my laundry, all of it, including my sheets, I may not have spoons to spare to do anything after.  If I try to save the spoons for something else, I may run out anyway.  The things that people might find mundane or routine are things that I have to think long and hard about before I can do.  

Okay...off to get my weekly contact high.  Til next time...

And so it begins...

If you don't know who I am, I'm 33, female, single, from the Midwest, living in New England.  I have been called fiercely independent, and I have the will of an ox.  I have career goals, plans, and dreams I can't imagine not coming true.  If you know me, you can probably describe me much better than I just did. :)

I've thought for a while on how to start this blog.  I've read other blogs, popped in on message boards, and it’s tough.  I don’t know how to begin, or where this is going, but I've been thinking about it regularly enough to decide to at least try.

The weird thing for me is that it’s been easier to tell strangers this than the people I’m close to:  I was officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia in November 2012.  I suppose this wasn't a great surprise to me, since the word has been part of my vocabulary since I was 15, but getting an official diagnosis is hard.  Mostly because there is no blood test that says you have it, it’s mostly just a doctor listening to your symptoms and poking you in different spots to see which ones really hurt (for me, they all do).  And, unfortunately, with fibromyalgia, a diagnosis doesn't mean a cure.  Basically, for those of you who don’t know, fibromyalgia is characterized by chronic, widespread pain and what they call allodynia…a heightened sensitivity to pain.  That seems pretty simple, but the symptoms are varied, many, and hard to live with sometimes.  For example, people with fibromyalgia may have:

General Fibromyalgia Symptoms

*Delayed reactions to physical exertion or stressful events

*Other family members with fibromyalgia

*Sweats

Unexplained weight gain or loss

*Cravings for carbohydrate and chocolate

*Headaches & migraines

Vision changes, including rapidly worsening vision

Muscle & Tissue-Related Fibromyalgia Symptoms

*Pain that ranges from mild to severe, and may move around the body

*Morning stiffness

*Muscle twitches

*Diffuse swelling

*Fibrocystic (lumpy, tender) breasts

Sinus & Allergy-Related Fibromyalgia Symptoms

*Allergies

Post nasal drip

Runny nose

Mold & yeast sensitivity

Shortness of breath

*Earaches & itchy ears

*Ringing ears (tinitis)

Thick secretions

Sleep-Related Fibromyalgia Symptoms

*Light and/or broken sleep pattern with unrefreshing sleep

*Fatigue

*Sleep starts (falling sensations)

*Twitchy muscles at night

*Teeth grinding (bruxism)

Reproductive Fibromyalgia Symptoms

Menstrual problems

*PPMD

Loss of libido

Impotence

Abdominal & Digestive Fibromyalgia Symptoms

*Bloating & nausea

*Abdominal cramps

Pelvic pain

*Irritable bowel syndrome

*Urinary frequency

Cognitive/Neurological Fibromyalgia Symptoms

*Difficulty speaking known words, other language impairments (dysphasia)

*Directional disorientation

*Poor balance and coordination

*Paresthesias in the upper limbs (tingling or burning sensations)

Loss of ability to distinguish some shades of colors

*Short-term memory impairment

Confusion

*Trouble concentrating

*Staring into space before brain "kicks in"

*Inability to recognize familiar surroundings

Sensory Fibromyalgia Symptoms

*Sensitivity to odors

*Sensitivity to pressure changes, temperature & humidity

*Sensitivity to light

*Sensitivity to noise

Night driving difficulty

*Sensory overload

Emotional Fibromyalgia Symptoms

Panic attacks

*Depression

*Tendency to cry easily

*Free-floating anxiety

*Mood swings

*Unaccountable irritability

Heart-Related Fibromyalgia Symptoms

Mitral valve prolapse

Rapid, fluttery, irregular heartbeat

Pain that mimics heart attack, frequently from costochondritis

Skin, Hair & Nail-Related Fibromyalgia Symptoms

*Pronounced nail ridges

*Nails that curve under

Mottled skin

*Bruising or scarring easily

Hair loss (temporary)

*Tissue overgrowth

Miscellaneous Fibromyalgia Symptoms

Hemorrhoids

*Nose bleeds

*Symptoms I experience regularly

So, what’s prompted me sharing all this with the world?  I've had a few times recently when I've been out with friends and been too tired to either stay out late, go out, or just in general “be myself” as most people know me.  I imagine part of this comes from having a new job with longer hours and more stress, and I know I am more prone to periods like this when the weather is cold.  I've been feeling guilty for not being able to be as much “fun” as I know I want to be, and I have been afraid of disappointing the people that want to spend time with me. It's also hard for me to share this with people because I don't want people thinking I'm making up excuses.  Still, this is something that has now daily affected how I make choices, so I feel like now it's time to be more "out" about this.  I don't want this to ever become an excuse, and even though I've had symptoms for over half my life, only now am I noticing I truly have to make choices...that as much as my ox-like brain wants to say yes, now I have to listen when my body says no.

The Spoon Theory pretty much sums up a day in my life much better than I could.  I hope, if you want to understand more of what a day in my life is like, you'll take the few minutes to read it.

So, I hope you'll understand and bear with me as I go on this journey with a disease in "stealth mode".